I love you.

In a series of Journal Entries, from a Typical Young Man, to the World

Now first Published in order to expose and possibly lessen the base Inclinations of Mankind through Reflection and Meditation.

In Three VOLUMES
Vol. I.


PREFACE
BY THE
Editor

In introducing this Work, I find that it would first be most proper to introduce myself, being that I am your simple, yet determined, “Deus Ex Machina” behind the Curtain, for I wish to withhold nothing from you, that you might more readily comprehend the Intentions of this honest Novel. I present this to you not in Hopes of Fame, Honor, nor Wealth, but as an inherent Duty that must be fulfilled, being, as I am, a Servant to Truth and Nature. In this Work I have put together a Series of Writings by a young Man, somewhat religiously inclined, though wholly Human and flawed in Nature, documenting and detailing his year’s long Period of Solitude in a forsaken Wilderness, which hitherto has never been attempted to my Knowledge. I have known this Man, and I understand him to be of the most honest and honorable Sort I have ever had the Pleasure to be acquainted with. He was a Man who was as honest with me as I hope to be with you in relating his most intimate of Thoughts and Meditations.

Granted, many Journals of sorts and Exchanges of Letters have been published, and even with great Success (in some respects), and yet, I find most of them quite lacking in Moral Character and Instruction, regardless of the frivolous Entertainments they may provide. While Tales bursting with Adventure, horrific Dangers here and there, and sensational Circumstances may serve to alleviate the dullness of everyday Life to most Readers, these Fantasies do not provide the Moral Foundation needed for actual growth as a Human Being. In the same way, the opposite of this ridiculously fantastic trend in Literature, the tendency of Authors to try to recreate Life in its most natural and realistic of Lights, often becomes outright boring in its Mundaneness, simply for the Fact that it too well resembles the unremarkable Events of Daily Living, and only mirrors what is rather than what could be. I have found that, with regards to the Reader, most Novels are lacking in their Ability not just in instructing, but in instructing in a Way that may be truly helpful and resonating to every Reader, Man and Woman, as well as Young and Old. This is a difficult Task, not to be taken lightly, for the Divine and delicate Relationship between Author and Reader can be as fragile as a Spider Web if not honestly cultivated. As for Entertainment, I can think of Nothing more entertaining in a Novel than its Ability to stimulate and procure the growth of a Man’s Mind, Heart and Soul. The Question is, daunting though it may be, how does one do this?

I believe a Man’s Soul can be likened to a vast Pool of Water, where an invisible Force lay beneath the glassy, undulating Surface, aching to burst forth from its Imprisonment to be as free and wild as a rushing River. The Written Word has the extraordinary Quality of being able to facilitate the Means of breaking through the Barriers that contemporary Life puts up, agitating the vast Pool to the extent that it can no longer be held and must be set free. This is the Power that lies within the Novel: the Power to free one’s Soul. Unfortunately, this Power is not always properly evoked, and often Novels do nothing more for a Man’s Soul, than a gentle Breeze may do for a fetid, stagnant Pool of Water. For the sake of Example, I have found this to be the Case with Richardson’s Pamela, so much so that in reading it, I felt it not only left my Soul in a State of utter Stagnation, but practically dried it up all together. That is partially why I have endeavored to produce something different; something as much natural and honest, as Pamela is contrived and false.

For a Man to grow in Character, he must be able to reflect upon his Actions and Thoughts in order to truly learn from them and progress. This Process is difficult and demanding in itself, let alone accompanied by the Trials and Trifles of Common Life that so often leads to complete Distraction, but with the Addition of Novels that only aid to distract the Reader more, the Process becomes barely even possible. Society, with all its Absurdities and Follies, renders the Man within that Society incapable of seeing it for what it is, the Reality of Human Nature, and the Reality of his own Mind and Spirit. This is why I have put together a Work not relating directly to Human Experience, for every Man experiences things within his Life, great and small, but rather relating to the Reflection that must take place after the Experiences have been lived. The Experience itself (whether fictional or not) is of no Matter, but what is imperative is the Knowledge of how to learn from it, and this Realm of Reflection in Novel Writing is what I believe to be incredibly underdeveloped. When a Man is alone, there the Adventure begins, for the Moment he becomes alone in his own Thoughts, his greatest Hopes, Desires, and Fears are finally able to confront him, Face to Face. Any Novel may detail a Character facing the World, but a truly great Novel must nakedly expose a Character and have him face what he fears the most: Himself. A Reader will extract the most Meaning from a Novel only when able to see his own Reflection in the Face of the Character he is reading of, and in this way the Story can be made relatable, instructing, and truly beneficial.

Furthermore, I believe that the best way for any two People to communicate in order to achieve a real Understanding and Objective is by having a personal, One-on-One Dialogue between the two of them. In the case of this Work, the Dialogue will be between the Reader and the Narrator, and will be one of Honesty and Openness, shut off from the Rest of the World. The outside World, in a sense, must be done away with completely so as to leave the Reader and Narrator completely alone, so that the Reader may have none to distract him from the wise Reflections of a Man whose Soul, much like his own, longs to step away from Life to examine, reflect, and meditate upon it. The Great Master of Dialogues himself, in his Apology, even admitted that, “the unexamined Life is not Worth living,” to which I would add, “or for that matter, worth reading about”, and in this way, it is my greatest Hope that this humble Work shall appeal to the Goodness of all Men in its honest Intentions, a Goodness in which I have the utmost Faith.

I have not always held this Notion, but it seems to me now that all Men, whether they speak of it or not, have an inherent Desire for Truth and Understanding, at least on the most basic Level of understanding themselves. Sadly, many People, while desiring this Understanding in the bottom of their Hearts, are so overcome with Fear by the Idea of examining their Lives openly and alone, that they cower away from the Light of Truth as one may cower in Fear at the Power of the Almighty G--. I sincerely wish that in this Collection of Writings, the Reader may be able to find Comfort and Solace in the Narrator’s Journey, that it may give them Strength to begin one of their own, and that the Reflections of one man may give Birth to inspiring Revelations of another.

As a final and clear Caveat, I will say that the One who opens this Book expecting to hear of a Life more exciting or intriguing then their own will be greatly disappointed. The One who opens this Book expecting Fairy Tales of Knights and Damsels in distress will be fairly disheartened. The One who opens this Book expecting a good Way to pass the Time will be utterly bored. The One who opens this Book expecting a Break from the Rigors of Life will find Themselves even more exhausted. If a Man may fear Himself over all things, and is willing to remain a Slave to Ignorance to avoid the Truth that he so greatly both desires and dreads, than this is not the Book for that Man. Rather, if you be willing to traverse the Mountain of Self-Awareness along with our young Hero, to nakedly face yourself despite the Fear and Shame inherent of Human Existence, to persistently strive for what it True, Good, and Natural in all things, then I fervently promise that this Novel may be an Instrument in your Journey there.

There once was a man who was no different than anyone else. He decided one day to leave society and all that it entailed to be alone, completely alone, in the wilderness. He claimed to be searching for something called “Truth”, although the people had no idea what he meant by that when he told them, and they were confused by the expression “VERITAS LUX MEA”, which were the sole words he uttered to them. They took him to be mad, and perhaps he was. In any case, he went in search of this “Truth”, and on his last day of solitude wrote these words, which I am now presenting to you.

“I have, at times, been called an idealist. I believe there is a important difference between how things and are, and how they could be. Men were not intended to live as beasts, though many seem content in being such. I believe that man’s responsibility does not lie in attaining wealth, pleasures, or anything else that we ourselves create, but that to truly be called a being of some worth, we must elevate ourselves above and beyond what is most primal, primitive, and vicious in our natures in order to strive for ideals that are eternally the means for human greatness.
When my plan of solitude was first evolved, it was rooted in the fact that I was slowly growing to hate everyone around me. Just by looking at people, even strangers, I felt as if I could see their inner ugliness plainly showing on their faces, and was sickened by the thought of humanity. As a self-proclaimed misanthrope, contempt and blinding anger seethed through my blood, heated by the interaction between myself and the fools that surrounded me. Rage was a fire that burned within my soul for almost the entirety of my life, continually eating away at my sanity and peace of mind. That is why, you see, I had to escape. I had to escape from the world to escape from the madness growing inside of me. Thankfully, I believe that fire has finally been extinguished.
Of course, there will still be times when I am disappointed, and I will not hold my tongue when the Truth must be spoken, but now I realize that it is futile and hypocritical to hold an ill-will against people simply because I praise the good that I so rarely find. It is easy to hate, in any degree, and it is human weakness that makes us so susceptible to it. I have come to realize that love is the greatest virtue that must be integrated into the lives of men for human greatness and happiness to exist. It is the virtue that is the hardest to embrace, but above all the most divine, and in it can be found all great and wonderful things. Righteousness, courage, justice, peace, and truth are all things founded in goodness, and only through compassion can these things be reached. The glory of humanity is the capacity we have to feel compassion for others.
Compassion and kindness, in an unconditional form, with no grounds of self-interest, are the means of saving a race of men that has fallen from grace. Fortunately, all is not lost, because it is never too late to start living for others. People, quite often, are too obsessed with themselves and never give a thought to the multitudes of people who are beyond their own being, when they should realize that they are a part of something unfathomably larger and greater than their own lives. In essence, we are nothing, but nothing is still something, and that something becomes greater and richer with every person we extend our compassion to. If we act out of selfishness, we will ultimately find ourselves alone and miserable. But the man who is kind, who helps people without reluctance or ulterior motives, who is generous and gentle in temperament, who feels the pain of others and tries to relieve it, who speaks truthfully out of love, will find himself a friend of humanity as a whole, and will never be lonely. He will never be lonely, because he will be free. When we let go of anger, cruelty, and apathy we break the chains of our self-obsession and selfish despair, and it is then that we may finally receive peace and meaning in our lives. Compassion is the only road home, my friend, and until we find it we will be lost.
Of course, this can be difficult. I better than anyone can understand that. One cannot become truly compassionate in one day. It is acquired through habit, constant introspection, and the continual desire to do well. I think if people could just realize this, if people could cultivate that aching inside of them to be compassionate, their lives would be much happier as a result. At least, that has been the case with me, and I am no different than anyone else. The world needs a renaissance of Compassion, and those who claim to know of its goodness must shout from the mountaintops and speak the Truth to the world. Just one voice can do a vast amount of good, even if just one person hears you. Then, and only then, will you truly feel the power and greatness that lies in the essence of humanity.”

The next day the wilderness prophet came home feeling better than ever. The world looked beautiful and full of hope, and the people were surprised to see how freely and exuberantly he now spoke with them. “What a change,” they all thought to themselves. But slowly, as the days wore on, the prophet’s heart hardened, his head hung lower by the minute, and he seemed to forget all that he had come to believe when he was alone. “It’s so easy to forget,” he whispered to me. “Will you remember?”